So I’m not feeling too great right now. Kinda depressed and emotional feeling. : I knew it would happen….I got depressed like this last time after Bobby left. It sucks. But you know what sucks more? I can’t even let it out. I can’t vent, I can’t talk about how I feel, because then people say that I’m just whining. I’m not whining!!! I’m trying soooo hard to be the freaking strong one, to not show how much it hurts all the time! But nobody CARES. Everyone just gets exasperated with me because I’m no fun when I’m sad. Well, sorry that I feel like I’m falling apart. Sorry that I feel hopeless, that I feel alone. Why is everything SO FREAKING HARD?!?!?! Why??? I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying. But I can’t, because that would be “whining”.
I’m not mad. I’m just very sad and alone, and a little scared. Scared that I won’t be able to last like this. I HAVE to though. Its so worth it. So very worth it. But its killing me. Never seeing the one person I care about most is tearing me apart.
So, message to all the people I know who think that I’m just whining: Until you’ve experienced what its like to go through months of separation from the person you love the most, I don’t wanna hear it. Okay?