Aren’t I good at pretending? This painted on smile masks the ruins behind my eyes.


How do you tell someone that they’re hurting you when they won’t do anything to try to change it? 😦 I hate this. And I miss the old us

An Exercise In Confidence?

SOOOOOOOOOOO today, I realized that I have very poor self esteem. I always think that I’m not good enough at anything, and then because of that, I end up just being like “I deserve to be treated like crap and used as a doormat by *insert random jerkface here* because it’s the best I can do.” I noticed that kind of mentality in my relationship with Isaac. Well, to boost my morale (so to speak), I thought I’d make a little list of “Things I Don’t Fail Horribly At”. Usually if I begin doing this kind of thing, I stop halfway through cause I feel like I’m bragging, and nobody likes a bragging person, but I guess it’s not really the same thing. So here I go:


1. Drawing. I don’t suck at it. I’m not as good as I’d like to be, but I’m improving.

2. Photography. Usually, I’d say “Anybody can point a camera at crap.” but it’s more than that. You have to have a good eye for it, and artistic vision.

3. English. I got a 33 on my ACT for English. Nuff said.

4. Reading. I got a 32 on reading in the same ACT. Also nuff said.

5. Having a sense of humor. According to Cara and Laura, I’m funny. And I know they wouldn’t lie to me, so it must be true.

6. Being nice. This is probably the easiest thing for me ever. Even if I FEEL like being mean, I can’t be mean to somebody directly to their face. I count this as a blessing.

7. History. I’m pretty much only good at this because I love a good story, and therefore it fascinates me. 🙂

8. Being compassionate. Even with the biggest jerkfaces I know, I have to say, I do understand where they’re coming from and why they’re acting the way they are, and therefore I am able to sympathize with them easily. (for the most part)

9. Demonstrating affection. Lol I’m really good at this. When I really love someone, I’m not one of those “Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, I love you an stuff….I geuss…..” kinda people. NO! I’m more of a “BOOYAH, IN YO FACE, I FREAKING LOVE YOU FRICKETTY FRACK FRICK!!!!!” kinda lover. XD I’ll do as much as it takes to convince someone that I really love them, even if it kills me. Probably not healthy, and yeah I’ll probably end up getting hurt, but it’s better to love openly and fiercely than to love and crack and let go at the slightest bump….Lol.

10. Taking leadership. Okay, so usually I don’t LIKE to be the leader, and I get nervous if I have to be the leader, but if I’m pushed into it, I have the experience (growing up in the middle of a hug family) to know what to do and how it should be done in the most efficient manner, so that all parties are happy. Which brings me to my last good quality:

11. Compromising. As long as they’re happy, I’m happy. Even if I have to give up something important to me.


And that concludes my list. Lol.