Worst dream ever? Yeah, pretty much.

So I had this dream last night. It started out that we were having our house demolished. We had this huge bulldozer and we were just ripping the house apart with it, tore out all the roofs of all the bedrooms and started throwing everything away. I was helping demolish the bathroom when I felt this horrible jerking pain in my stomach. I looked down and I was bleeding everywhere, and when I looked back up, my older brother Nik was standing in the doorway, and he said “Looks like you’re about to have your baby.” I gave him a confused look and said “I’m married?” He said “No. OUR baby.” and then he told me that almost every week for the past 10 years, he had drugged me until I was unconscious and raped me. Now, I know this is completely impossible because he’s been gone for the past 6 years, but in this dream it was horribly real. I freaked out, grabbed the nearest thing I could find (which was a metal pipe from the bathtub) and ran at him, screaming “YOU SICK DEMENTED B*STARD!!!! YOU F*CKING RUINED ME!!!” and relentlessly beat him over the head with that pipe. It didn’t seem to do anything to him at all, he just stood there smirking while I cried and tried to kill him. My mom walked in just then and said “Stop fighting!” and grabbed my arm. By then I was just filled with pure rage and yelled “But he raped me!” she just said “I know.” and took the pipe from my hands. Then she took him and left the room, as if she was sheltering him from me. I just sat on the floor, in total shock. Then I thought that I needed to call Bobby and let him know what had happened. So I did. And he decided to leave me because I was “dirty” now. So I was left alone with my brother’s rape child.

Oh, and for some reason, I knew I couldn’t give it up for adoption. I had to keep it. 

So yeah, then I woke up crying and realized it was all just a dream.

I don’t know why I even had this dream, cause I haven’t even thought about my older brother in months, and we were never really close to begin with. But I do understand why he was the rapist in this situation. When we were younger, he came close to molesting me 3 different times, and actually DID molest my older sister. I think the only reason it didn’t happen to me was that I was such a tattletale when I was younger, he knew I would’ve told on him. 😛 

So yeah. Worst dream ever.

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