WE DONE BEEN MOVED!!!!!

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ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE’VE FINALLY MOVED TO OMAHA!!!! I’M SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

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Okay, so. The past week and a half or so has been so dang crazy! Preston got here on Saturday (the 16th). I packed pretty much everything we owned on Monday and Tuesday, we kinda just slacked off on Wednesday, said goodbye to friends, and then picked up the Uhaul and did massive cleaning of the apartment on Thursday. It was ridiculous, we didn’t go to bed until almost 3am that night. But at least the apartment got all clean. We were all kinda grumpy and exhausted at that point though.

Anyway, we got up bright and early on Friday, despite only having roughly 4 hours of sleep total. I returned the Rug Doctor thing, and we did some last-minute detailing on the apartment before turning our keys in. We waved goodbye to the old place and went off to Bobby’s parents’ place to pick up the Uhaul and a few things from them. We said goodbye to them, which was kinda sad….I almost cried. They’re really good in-laws. But they plan to move to Omaha in a few years as well, once they finish paying off their house. So it’s okay. Afterwards, we went to the Uhaul place to get the trailer for the car. By this time, it was about 12:30pm. However, we ran into a few problems once we got to the Uhaul place. The trailer that we had rented was too low for Bobby’s Honda (since he had lowered it about an inch and a half and put on a new big exhaust system), so we had to go to a different location to get a different trailer. Come to find out, it was also just a bit too low for that trailer, so we had to kinda force it on there. We finally got it all set up and ready to go, but we didn’t leave town until it was almost 3pm.

So we drove to North Platte, NE, which is about halfway between Colorado Springs and Omaha. We arrived a little after 10pm, so we weren’t able to go see Expendables 3 with Brodie and Preston, but we ended up going to Applebees instead, and then spent the night in another friend’s house. We listened to a bunch of metal, and they introduced me to the band Underoath, which was pretty boss. Brodie and I got into a slap/tickle fight, which was hilarious because both of us are touchy-feely types, and neither of us had played like that in YEARS, so it was really fun and nice to just be able to mess around like that without it being weird or anything.

So anyway, we left North Platte bright and early Saturday morning, and stopped at Preston’s Aunt and Uncle’s house in Cozad for lunch. And by “stopped”, I mean we ended up staying there for almost 3 hours. But they seemed really nice. Preston’s Aunt especially took a liking to me and showed me around their whole house. I guess she doesn’t get female visitors often, and wanted to show her remodeling work to another woman who would understand how important the state of her house was to her. Lol.

Anyway, we left Cozad and, except for a stop in Kearney for snacks, drove straight through to Omaha. We listened to a ton of metal and alternative music along the way, and Preston has established that we have the same tastes in music. We did some headbanging to Foo Fighters, Anberlin and 30 Seconds to Mars while Bobby was driving, and have bonded through our similar backgrounds and tastes in almost everything. It’s really nice to finally feel like I’m actually connecting on a deeper level to my friends, not just keeping things on the surface. I haven’t felt this connected to anyone in over 2 years. Lesson being: I need more metalhead friends, because they’re more real towards me. XD

We arrived at my mom’s place around 4:30pm on Saturday and unloaded the Uhaul. My siblings and I were being all crazy and weird (which I’m pretty sure freaked Preston out a little bit, lol) and then we watched a movie and didn’t go to bed until about 1am. Sunday morning, we slept in for the first time in FOREVER, and then went with my family to the zoo! It was the first time Bobby had ever been to the Henry Doorly zoo, and he thought it was awesome (as he should). Afterwards, the two of us went to Mahoney because Sunday was our 1 year wedding anniversary. We ate at the lodge, and camped out in a tent and had a fire and everything. The next morning, we went to the observation tower, had breakfast at the lodge, and went walking down by the marina and the park. We’ve established that we both really love Mahoney, so we got a yearly park pass. He wants to go back for his bithday, but stay in a lodge room and take me fishing and everything, which I’m super excited about.

Anyway, so then we dropped by my mold Hy-Vee for groceries, and it’s exactly like it used to be! Different people, but the store is just as nice as I remember it, and it still smells like ham. I’m really happy about that. XD Once we finished getting groceries, we went home and grilled out and had a campfire, which was really nice. We talked with my family and spent time with them and everything. My mom is still pushy and stubborn, and my siblings still have attitudes and are a bit lazy, but you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my imperfect, irritating, obnoxious, exuberant family. I feel more alive now than I have in years and years.

Anyway, so today has mostly just been lazy. We’re making plans to hang out with friends tonight and tomorrow, and I’ve been applying for jobs everywhere and learning about school stuff. ALSO ALSO ASLO, I just applied at Starbucks about 2 hours ago, and got a call back for an interview ALREADY!!!! WOOOOO!!! BOOYAH!!!

So, in short…I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY I’M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!! I ♥ YOU, OMAHA.

So anyway…how have you guys been? 🙂

I saw that he likes Nickelback, and suddenly…I got over it.

So I have this art page on Facebook, right? Well it kept saying I had a notification, but it wouldn’t display it, so I made a little dummy account just to see if I could see what was new on my page from the outside. Well whatever it was still didn’t show up, so I went back to the home page and prepared to log out. Just then, I saw something in the “suggested friends” section. It was an ex-friend of mine.

Let me give some background on that.

I had been friends with this guy, Emory, since I was 13. We met at a Student Venture bonfire. I don’t know why, but he just started talking to me, and we sat down and basically talked for 6 hours, until it was almost 11pm. The fire had gone out a long time ago, so we were just staring at the stars in the darkness, talking about life. He told me about the sad things that had happened to him, things that he’d never told anyone else.

So we were best friends since that night.

Now, my mom reaaaally disliked him. She thought he had a “creepy” vibe. I was very naive at the time (being 13 and all) and didn’t really think much of it. Anyway, she wouldn’t let me be around him alone, and wouldn’t let me talk to him on the phone or anything. I basically just saw him at SV and that was it. We were still good friends though, and shared a love of art, which was nice.

Fast forward to 2011. Bobby and I had been dating for a little over a month. Bobby was my first boyfriend (and I am now married to him). Emory had been increasingly clingy, trying to get me to come hang out with him and call him all the time, which I couldn’t do because my mom still forbade it. Then, out of nowhere, he deleted me on Facebook and stopped showing up to SV, basically cut me out of his life. I messaged him saying, “Hey…..are you mad at me for some reason? I mean, you just randomly stopped talking to me last time we talked…..and then you deleted me as a friend…..what’s the matter?”
He said, “Please forgive my rude behavior, but if you are upset because you believe I have something personal to gripe, you aren’t the only one I did that to.
I’m not angry with anyone; I’m not holding any grudges. It was nothing you said, nor anything you did.” and then blocked me permanently. So that was the end. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since then. It was heartbreaking for me at the time, losing my best friend so suddenly, with no explanation. And so soon after my parents had divorced and my old church kicked us out, too. It was just too much at once.

Anyway, so I saw his account with the dummy account and decided to see how he’s doing. Nothing had really changed on his Facebook, but it listed his likes and Nickelback was one of them. Nickelback, ICP, Motorhead, and Anime Girls. And suddenly, I broke. That was it. I got over him, over our old friendship, everything. I went back to my Facebook page and re-read our old messages, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. I must’ve been too naive when we were friends, because almost every time we talked, even when Bobby and I were dating, or even when I openly liked other guys, he was CONSTANTLY hitting on me. Constantly asking me to call him, hang out with him alone, and he even protested when I told him my mom said we had to have one other friend with us. How could I have been so blind?

Was our whole friendship only about him wanting to get in my pants? Was that why he just blocked me after I started officially dating someone else? How could a person decieve someone else like that for 5 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP?!

Anyway. I just needed to write about this. It pisses me off that he would take advantage of my naivety and trusting nature like that. I was only a potential commodity to him. And if I see him when Bobby and I live in Blair, I will just ignore him. He doesn’t deserve my sympathy, he doesn’t deserve my friendship. I will not try to make ammends with him.

Fool me once…

So I drew today!

I actually drew stuff today for once, so I feel pretty good about that. 🙂

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Sharon made me draw this because I didn’t text her back…apparently I owed her retribution. XD

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I drew this because Bobby and I were talking about how Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart are BFFs, and then I thought of Fox and the Hound, aaaand yeah. This happened.

I also fixed Bobby’s mom’s map for her, for her book. So I had a productive day. We went over to Donita’s house today and had lunch, and she has this super adorable bunny that runs around and chases her dog. I got to pet them both. Not Donita, the dog…lol. Anyway, so then we went back to the in-laws’ place and I drew stuff for most of the day.

The only thing I felt kinda bad about was that today was Haanzs’s birthday party and we couldn’t go because we already had the plans with Donita. :/ But oh well…at least we got him a card.

Anyway, I’m super tired. My eyes are drooping and I can barely keep them open. Time to sleep. I can already hear Bobby snoring in the other room…:)

K BYE

Well it’s been a while.

I keep promising to blog more often, but then I don’t. I’m super lame. The good news though is that I got all my Xanga archives back and imported them onto here, so at least now I feel like I have my old stuff back again. 🙂 It’s a good feeling.

 

So anyway, work has been crazy and stupid lately. The “efficiency experts” came and ransacked my workspace, and rearranged everything. It’ll probably be better once I get used to it, but it’s still stupid. I barely got anything done this week because of them. 😛 On top of that, my boss has upped my production expectations to the point where I KNOW I’m not going to make it. I’m basically required to make around $1,000 a day in shoe sales. To put that in perspective, I work at a Goodwill. Most of my shoes are around $5 or $6 a pair. I don’t know how they expect me to realistically make that much money, it’s ridiculous. But you know what? I don’t really care anymore. I’m leaving in a little over 2 months, so screw them. I’ll do my best, but I’m not gonna drive myself crazy over this stuff anymore. I’m just killing myself with stress and anger when I do that.

 

On that note, I’ve been pretty dang happy lately. Ever since I cut some incredibly toxic people out of my life (*cough*Lewis family*cough*), it seems like I’ve just been happier and happier. We found a good friends group here. I’m trying not to get too emotionally attached or anything, because we’re still moving (obviously), but it’s nice to at least have someone to hang out with a couple times a week. There’s one other couple, Noah and Diana, a guy named Austin and his younger brother, Cameron (he’s the youngest one in the group, he’s only 15), Wes, Nic (if Sharon is reading this, that’s Nic Valesey!) and sometimes Haanzs comes. We have a movie night on Tuesdays, half of us go to the same church on Sundays, and then we go to the same small group on Wednesdays as Noah and Diana do. All in all, I feel a lot happier with this friends group than I ever did with the other one (a.k.a. the Harris clan and their followers). I think it’s because this group doesn’t have any expectations of me or anything. The Harris friends always seemed to turn everything into a competition or an opportunity to show off or something. I want friends that I can hang out with, not people that I have to feel obligated to entertain or measure up to. So it’s been good.

 

The only thing I’m missing with this friends group is a serious connection. I mean, I like them as friends, and I’ll miss them when I leave, but I’m excited to get back to Omaha and be around friends that I can hang out with and ALSO talk about deep issues with. I want people who I can be attached to. But this is satisfactory for now.

 

I’ve also realized that, since I’ve actually had my time with friends lately, and I’m an extrovert, I actually feel a lot healthier, less depressed, and more motivated to do stuff. Like, I’ve actually felt like drawing stuff lately, and not in an I’m-obligated-to-draw-something-or-I’ll-disappoint-everyone-and-waste-my-talent way either. I’ve actually been inspired! I know that doesn’t sound like much, but if you knew how long this dry spell has been….well, it means a lot to me. It’s exciting. 🙂

 

I’m still trying to remember the other thing I wanted to talk about…

 

OH! Music! I’ve been wanting to listen to music a lot more lately! That’s great for me. I mean, for a good year or so there, I was so stressed all the time that I just completely ignored all of my creative outlets. Now I’m actually getting back into them and it feels really good. I want to get another guitar, my buttfaced brother, Nathan, bought mine because I really needed the money, he payed a ridiculously low price because he knew I couldn’t say no, and then wouldn’t seel it back to me. I love him, but man….what a buttface! D:

 

Oh, also….I’m turning 21 in a little over 2 weeks. 🙂 I’m not planning on really drinking or anything (it’s not that I’m against drinking in general, it’s just that I don’t really care for the taste of alcohol), but it falls on a Tuesday, which means that movie night will also be my birthday party! Our friend Austin, who I mentioned earlier, also brews alcohol as a hobby and I told him about my tastes, he said he’s trying to come up with something to make me for my birthday that I’ll actually like. So that’s pretty cool. 😀 The Saturday after my birthday, Bobby and I are going up in the mountains to Lake Dillon, and we’re gonna spend the day kayaking, canoeing, and swimming. We’re gonna pack some stuff to grill and have a grill out for lunch there. I’m pretty excited about it.

 

Anyway, to sum that up, work is tolerable, friends are awesome, I’m inspired again, and my birthday is coming. Sorry about the rambling, I just haven’t written in a while. I’m sure once I start writing more often, these posts will be less rambly and weird, and hopefully more interesting.

 

Anyway, BYE!

 

Breakfast/Pajama/Batmanathon party, among other things.

So I think I’m gonna use this blog as a sort of online journal, because I tend to process things externally, so writing down my thoughts helps me to think things through. That and I wanted a private blog because sometimes I just need to talk about things without everyone in the world plus their mother hearing about it, and nobody knows about this blog except for Laura and Cara, and I trust them. 🙂 So yeah.

Anyhow. This morning, Bobby and I had this whole big Breakfast/Pajama/Batmanathon party with Noah, Diana, and Haanzs. It was pretty awesome, I stuffed myself with bacon and Haanzs is hilarious, he’s probably like my second favorite friend here in Colorado. We were talking about Son of Batman, and he was like, “It starts out with Talia knocking on Batman’s door like, ‘BITCH, YOU’D BETTER GIVE ME MAH CHILD SUPPORT MONEY, DAMIAN-LAQUANDA NEEDS HIS DIAPERS!!!'” Oh mah gosh, it was freaking hilarious! I was pretty much on the floor laughing! XD

So yeah, Haanzs is awesome.

Anyway, I also got new shoes today.

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Red converse, in honor of the fact that I’m being myself again. 🙂 I’m still breaking them in, so they feel a little weird on my feet right now. but I think they’ll be just fine. I’m so excited!! It sounds totally weird, but I feel like this is just a signal to me that I’m reverting back into the awesome person I once was, the person I used to know. I don’t know who I’ve become over the past year or so, but it isn’t someone that I like very much. I’m so excited to get back to Omaha. I feel like, at last, I will be happy again. I will have friends who are like me and who like me for who I am, and don’t try to force me to be like them.

I know I keep rambling about that kind of thing, but I just haven’t felt this free in SUCH a long time. I really want to go to a concert now, or just sit around with friends and listen to music and laugh and stuff. It’s been so long since I had that kind of friendship.

So anyway, last night Bobby and I went out to this get Wendy’s in Falcon, and then we drove out to Peyton and went to a lake in the middle of nowhere there. It was nice, I like the water. Although for some reason, I’m distrustful of the water at night. Something about the dark plus the already murky water just makes me feel like there are too many hazard factors involved for it to be safe. Lol. But it was a nice night, we were out there until about 11pm and then we drove back and stopped at the Walmart in Falcon, and got some groceries and fun pajamas for our party (and also I got a shirt with Darth Vader kayaking on it).

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So all in all, it was a nice night. 🙂

We’ve been having a lot of nights like that lately. Bobby once called it a “nostalgic night” on his DA journal, but it’s the kind of night that is just fun and you’re happy, and you do silly things just because you can and you enjoy it. I’m pretty happy with it, we weren’t really doing much of anything together for a while there, so it’s a really nice change. It almost feels like back when we first started dating. I think we’ll have a lot more fun like this when we’re in Omaha though. Gah, I can’t wait!

You know, I think I’m just tired of MISSING things. I’m tired of thinking about how nice things used to be, and sitting around here feeling trapped, like I can never get back that happiness. I say the word “miss” so many times every day, it sickens me. I don’t want to miss things, I don’t want to pine over happy days, I just want to live and be happy and never have to look back.

Anyway, sorry this post was so long-winded. Byyyyeee!

❤ Kat

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Re-Becoming Myself

I feel like I just pressed the rewind button on life, and I couldn’t be happier.

It all started when I (finally!) kicked the Lewis’s out of my life. They have done nothing but use and abuse me for the past 5 years, and I just had enough. So, for the first time in years, I stuck to my boundaries and refused to let them walk all over me and my husband. I’m pretty sure I’ve successfully infuriated them, but you know what? I don’t give a flying crap. Let them think what they want, let them gossip and make up lies about me in a passive-aggressive attempt to get back at me. I just don’t care anymore.

And as soon as I had finished clearing them out of my life, I felt this inexplicable joy. I haven’t felt that way in YEARS. It was like the cloud of hatefulness and oppression that has been over me for so long has just vanished! I felt like Gollum in the Two Towers, when he’s jumping around going, “Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is freeee!” XD

Okay, sorry about the nerdy reference…

Anyway, I did that almost a month ago. And in the past few weeks, I’ve felt the most amazing change in my heart and my life in general. I finally feel like ME again. I don’t feel like I’m pretending to be some hipster snob or some obnoxious fashion and health-obsessed girl. I’m finally just me again. I can wear all of my dumb hats, and my bright red chucks and ratty jeans, and my band shirts. I can just not care what I look like, I can be funny and laugh and spend time with my filthy punk friends. I can take pictures and draw, but not obsess about whether or not they’re good enough for hyper-critical people, and just do it for my own amusement. I can blast my rock music really loud and sing along without a care in the world. I can make stupid faces. I can stop being so critical and be friends with whoever I darn well please!

Of course, now I want a do-over on my wedding and a couple of other events that would have been soooo much better and more fun without them…but oh well. Better late then never, I suppose. 😛

I think the only bad part about this is looking back at all the time I’ve wasted, all of the friendships that got ruined (or almost ruined) because of their influence. I’m so filled with regret for the way that I’ve treated people over these last few years, and I’m sorry. Alex, Emory, Sam, Dan, Cara, Jonah…all friends whose hearts I pretty much stomped on and squished because of the influence of the Lewis family. I even had my camp experience ruined at Maranatha because of the influence of Savannah. Well, I’m sorry, and I promise right here and now that I will NEVER treat any good friend that way again. Ever.

I just hope it’s not too late to set things right. I already made amends with most of those people. Emory was really the only one that I couldn’t contact, because he blocked me (thanks to Savannah). 😦

Oh well. Even though I still have those regrets, I guess they’re just a reminder to never get mixed up with those kinds of people again.

Anyway! I’m gonna go eat dinner.

Bye world!

❤ Kat